Thanksgiving, Turkey, Family & Aging

What is the first thing that you say to someone on Thanksgiving? How are you? I have missed you? How is your family? These are a few things you ask when you want to start a conversation with your family and friends. However, how do you start the difficult conversations with loved ones who are aging and maybe forgetful or less active? That conversation may not be so easy.
When your family is all together at the holidays, it is a perfect time to initiate conversations in a relaxed environment. Remember this is not a “one and done” talk but a process for aging parents to wrap their head around change. Change can be easy or a little difficult; but nonetheless, it is change. The way our parents are aging today is different too, and we need to keep that in mind as well.

6 Steps to Having Difficult Conversations with Aging Parents or Loved Ones

Be Patient. The first step is to be patient and don’t act like you are in a business meeting with a complete agenda. Change is difficult and admitting you are getting older and may need some help or different living arrangements can feel overwhelming. Take your conversation slow and be patient. Listen. Ask questions like how are things going at home? Do you need help with certain tasks or jobs? How can I help make it easier for you? These are good starting questions to start the conversation. 

Have Ideas and Options in your Back Pocket. YOU need to come to the conversation a bit prepared. Do some research and know some options before you start asking questions. Maybe you know about one of your parent’s friends who is in a similar situation or stage of life, and you can start there. Ask how is Jane doing with her new living conditions, is she happy? What do you think? Do you like how things are going for her? Remember change is difficult, so take it slow and make it a somewhat light. 

Be compassionate. Remember the thought of change is difficult and the thought of loss of independence and entering the next phase of life is even more difficult. To you, this conversation is about getting answers on how to address and help your parents with the next stage of life; but to your parents, this talk can be daunting, scary, confusing and signals that things are different and they ARE in the next phase of life. 

Listen and Take Notes. You need to really listen to what they are saying; and again, take it slow. Are they afraid, confused, regretful, sad? Listen to what they say; so, you can approach the talk with ease and comfort. You do not want to pressure or force your parents into something that feels wrong to make you life easier and check off you have this chat done. It takes time and patience to get the conversation rolling and to get results that work for them and you. You need to take notes and it will make future conversations easier. This is the beginning of many more talks; you hope. 

Seek Help. You may not have all the answers as you start this conversation about life changes and entering into the next phase of life. You may need a doctor, attorney, or another professional to help you with the process. Do you have a POA (Power of Attorney)? What about other legal documents that you may need as your parents glide into the next phase of life? Get in contact with the right resources early and get things organized. It will make each step in the next phase of life much easier. 

Organize your Paperwork. When you start the conversation, you may need to start a paper trail or file that allows you to remember and keep all the important papers in place. How do they want to handle their affairs as life progresses in this next stage? It is important to keep a file with all the passwords and important documents for healthcare and end of life decisions. Make sure you get your name on their utilities such as phone, electric, internet, and so forth. You will want to be able to pay their bills and take care of the details without the hassle. 

Even though it is the holidays, it is the perfect time to start a very gentle conversation with your aging parents to help them transition into the next phase of life with ease. You want your parents safe and happy, so you need to start the conversations now to help them think about changes without feeling threatened or depressed in this new phase of living. They are changing, and it is all a natural part of aging. Do you want some more tips or need someone to talk to that can assist you with having the conversation with mom or dad? Call Ann at Senior Living Options today. She is experienced and helping adult children help their parents transition into the next phase of living.

Author: Ann Jamison

Ann Jamison is an experienced senior advisor who has successfully worked with hundreds of families to help them find the best care and home-like environment for themselves or their loved ones. Prior to launching Senior Living Options, Ann was an eldercare advisor for a national placement agency and served as sales director at a senior living community. Thanks to her 25-year career in advertising sales and marketing, Ann is able to discern between hype and reality for her clients. Ann recognizes that there are objective factors that need to be weighed when making a life-changing decision, but she can also assess the important softer attributes by getting to know her clients and by using the gut instincts that can only come through extended experience.